Let’s Talk About Death and Dying
- kristinaharrisonco
- May 10
- 2 min read
This week is Dying Matters Awareness Week and this year’s theme is Let’s talk about death and dying.
For a lot of people, that feels uncomfortable. We are often taught not to talk about death, to stay positive, to avoid upsetting people, or to worry that we might say the wrong thing.
After spending 15 years working in palliative care and supporting people through grief and bereavement, one thing has stayed with me more than anything else — the silence that so often surrounds death and loss.
One thing I learnt during my time in palliative care is that people are often far more frightened of the conversation than the person who is dying. I sat with many people nearing the end of their lives and what they wanted most was not false hope or somebody trying to fix things. They wanted honesty. They wanted somebody who was willing to sit with them in the reality of what was happening and not immediately change the subject because it felt uncomfortable.
I understand why people do that. When somebody we love is dying, we desperately want to make things better. We want to stay hopeful and protect the people around us from pain. We worry that saying the wrong thing might somehow make things worse.
But in my experience, people rarely remember the “perfect” words. What they remember is who stayed. Who listened. Who allowed them to speak openly about their fears, sadness, anger or uncertainty without trying to rush them through it.
Sometimes the most supportive thing we can do is simply stay in the conversation.
I have also sat with many grieving people afterwards carrying huge amounts of pain because life around them seems to move on so quickly. In the beginning there are often messages, flowers and phone calls, but grief does not end after the funeral. Weeks, months and even years later, many people are left carrying their grief quietly and alone, feeling like they should be coping better by now.
Grief can feel incredibly isolating, not always because people do not care, but because so many people feel unsure around death and loss. The truth is, we do not need to have all the answers. We do not need perfect words. Sometimes simply acknowledging somebody’s pain, saying the name of the person who died, or allowing somebody space to talk openly can mean more than we realise.
Talking about death does not make it happen. Often, talking openly is what helps people feel less alone.
If you are grieving, supporting somebody through illness, or carrying fears around death and dying, you do not have to hold it all on your own.
If this resonates with you and you feel ready to talk, I offer counselling for women navigating grief, bereavement and life transitions. Sessions are available face-to-face in Gosberton, Lincolnshire, as well as online and by telephone across the UK.
You’re welcome to book a free 15-minute introductory call, a chance to ask questions and see whether counselling with me feels right for you.